|
Negotiating a happy Christmas for the children |
Divorced and separated couples who cannot agree on arrangements for children over Christmas should consider mediation to work things out, rather than an application to the court.
Christmas is presented as a time of universal happiness and injoyment; expectations run high and it can be hard for reality to match up. As a result, the aftermath of Christmas is always a busy time for family law solicitors.
But everyone agrees that it's a time when the chidren should come first, and parents are urged to put aside their differences and adopt some simple tips:
1. Try to make arrangements for where the children are to stay well in advance. Children do not like uncertainty so the ideal is to have an arrangement that will be repeated over the years, for example one year the kids spend Christmas Day with Mum and Boxing Day with Dad and the next year this is reversed.
2. Parents must not compete over presents for the children.
3. Presents should be agreed to prevent duplication or other practical problems.
4. it is stressful, confusing and upsetting for children if their parents argue or show ill will towards each other so parents should be polite, cheerful and positive towards each other when picking up or handing over the children.
Sue Bailey, a family solicitor at KCJ, says: "There's an increasing emphasis on mediation which should be good news for the whole family. It's likely to be become a requirement in due course that separating couples should have an interview to look at their suitability for mediation, as an alternative to the traditional divorce process. It's a much more cost-effective way of doing things and it's important that couples find a way to resolve issues rather than seeking an aggressive divorce.
The courts are not an ideal place to sort out marital problems as they are adversarial rather than aimed at solution finding. Whether you have problems agreeing arrangements for children or with agreeing division of assets, mediation can offer an effective way of coming to a solution both sides can sign up to."
In a court case, the parties each present their case and then a judge decides what is to be done. This can leave one party, or possibly both parties, feeling resentful.
By contrast, in mediation it is about finding mutually acceptable outcomes. The mediator talks to each side separately, finds out what is really important to them and tries to enable them to reach an agreement they are both able to live with. The important thing is that the parties are in control because they can say yes or no to any proposal.
Collaborative law is another route to divorce which is growing in popularity. It too relies on constructive and amicable discussion and allows the parties to keep control of the process rather than leaving decisions in the hands of a judge.
KCJ has collaborative law practitioners across the region; for individual advice contact Sue Bailey in Cambridge, Mary Pearce in Bury St Edmunds or Neale Grearson in Norwich.
|
|
